Responsibility

Trigger warning:  Discussion of suicide and thoughts about personal choice in this matter. A little while ago, G and I were discussing death and losing people.  I asked her if she was worried about me killing myself.  She said she worried every day about that. She was upset with me.  Upset that I cannot, much... Continue Reading →

C is for cuckoo

My name is C~ and I am a survivor. I don't mean a suicide survivor, or a depression survivor. I'm talking here about the really big one. I (drum roll) survived a family wedding. DBT talks about looking for the positives in even very difficult situations. By the time I collapsed through my friend K~'s... Continue Reading →

Cloud burst

Have I mentioned I suck at endings? It's like the BPD starter kit: Here, have a bunch of unmanageable emotions and a pathological inability to deal with anything finishing - good luck! Today was the big, everyone-gets-issued-their-final-grades-for-the-course-I-help-run meeting at college. And it went fairly well. Not awesome, but it was fine. When it came to... Continue Reading →

Free fall

Today feels quite painful. It's not a very catchy first sentence is it? Today isn't hideous or unbearable or torturous. I don't want to die. But it's painful. And that is okay. Part of the normal human experience. A sure sign that I am still alive. I'm becoming quite the connoisseur of emotions, perceiving the... Continue Reading →

The Lodge III

I've been pondering on my frequency of blog writing. I realise that if I am not writing, that means things are either pretty good, or really bad. What do we conclude from the fact that I am writing quite often at the moment? That things are quite bad, but not awful. So, yeah, this last... Continue Reading →

Door handle revelations

Does anyone remember Columbo? Not the guy who discovered America, I mean the TV detective. Somewhere near the end of the show, he would be just about to leave a room and then he would turn around and say "...… just one more thing" and boom, he'd deliver his coup de grace. Well, there is... Continue Reading →

Oscillation

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve published anything (I’ve written things, but they were, to me, deeply unsatisfactory.  Can something be deeply unsatisfactory?  That’s like being extremely mediocre, or vastly tepid).  Anyway, let’s just sum up the last two months of my life as periods of general general-ness, underpinned by a slow... Continue Reading →

Thank you!

I just wanted to write a brief message to say thank you to everyone who sponsored me for running the marathon and helped me to raise money for the charity Rethink.  I raised around £260 in total, which I am very happy about.  I especially want to say thank you to those people who donated... Continue Reading →

#79

Some bucket list items are small and can be knocked off in an afternoon, some are a little bit longer in the making.  So it is for #79 - Run a Marathon. Although, technically, the actual running did just take a few hours (no, I'm not going to say how many). I've got to be... Continue Reading →

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