Trigger warning: bottom of post contains one (light hearted) reference to suicide methods.
I was amazed and touched by all the responses I got to my blog post last week. I just want to thank everyone who contacted me either to offer help with the bucket list, tell me that they enjoyed reading what I had to say, or to tell me that they could relate to how I was feeling (those ones made me both happy and sad). It was really quite emotional and I spent a good bit of Sunday crying (in a good way). This was particularly interesting as I was attending a trail running school in Ecclesall Woods at the time (no. 53 – improve my running technique). I think one of the run leaders thought she had actually broken me. The thing that made me most happy was that no one got in touch to say they felt sorry for me.
So, how goes the bucket list, I hear you cry. As we all know, all good lists start with ‘make a list’, so that you get to tick something off straight away. In that spirit, I’m going to give myself a tick for #1 ‘write a blog’. Okay, I know it’s ongoing, but starting is always the hardest part! I’m also ticking off #98 ‘solve a Rubik’s cube’. I know this isn’t exactly climbing Mount Everest, but given that I could barely get out of bed 6 weeks ago, I’ll take it. If you’ve never done it, it’s rather satisfying, and a pretty good distraction from intense emotions, if you are in need of one. Just to say, it wasn’t a fluke, I’ve done it about ten times now, without reference to the instructions. If anyone wants to learn, here’s how:
I had promised that I would talk about soup this week (sorry B~), but it’s rather a bleak subject and I thought I’d go with something a bit light-hearted today. I promise I’ll discuss soup next week! I’m a fan of the twitter feed Very British Problems –
I therefore decided (and I hope I don’t get a ticking off from Rob Temple for this), to write my own mental health version, so here goes:
1. People saying that you are entering residential psychiatric care because you need ‘a rest’, not because you are planning to jump off the Humber Bridge on Monday morning.
2. Feeling the need to start every conversation with the mental health crisis phone line by asking how they are.
3. Not buying milk because you are planning to end your own life; changing your mind; then not being able to have a cup of tea, thus starting the whole damn cycle again.
4. Cleaning the house before the arrival of the home treatment team, as you wouldn’t want them to think you ‘weren’t coping’.
5. Apologising to the home treatment team for the lack of milk (see point 3).
6. Taking pre-booked dental appointments into account when scheduling suicide attempts.
7. Doing the ironing before committing suicide in order to minimise inconvenience to your loved ones.
8. Wondering whether to turn off the fridge before leaving your house for the last time.
9. Describing every mental health state from feeling a little groggy in the morning to hearing voices telling you to kill yourself as ‘struggling a bit’.
10. Not over filling the car with petrol when suicide is imminent as it would be a ‘bit of a waste’.
Wishing you all as good a week as possible. Let me know if anyone has been inspired to write their own bucket list – I’m really interested to know what ideas people have.