Responsibility

Trigger warning:  Discussion of suicide and thoughts about personal choice in this matter. A little while ago, G and I were discussing death and losing people.  I asked her if she was worried about me killing myself.  She said she worried every day about that. She was upset with me.  Upset that I cannot, much... Continue Reading →

Free fall

Today feels quite painful. It's not a very catchy first sentence is it? Today isn't hideous or unbearable or torturous. I don't want to die. But it's painful. And that is okay. Part of the normal human experience. A sure sign that I am still alive. I'm becoming quite the connoisseur of emotions, perceiving the... Continue Reading →

The Lodge III

I've been pondering on my frequency of blog writing. I realise that if I am not writing, that means things are either pretty good, or really bad. What do we conclude from the fact that I am writing quite often at the moment? That things are quite bad, but not awful. So, yeah, this last... Continue Reading →

Oscillation

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve published anything (I’ve written things, but they were, to me, deeply unsatisfactory.  Can something be deeply unsatisfactory?  That’s like being extremely mediocre, or vastly tepid).  Anyway, let’s just sum up the last two months of my life as periods of general general-ness, underpinned by a slow... Continue Reading →

Dead Man’s Curve

Trigger warning:  Some discussion of suicidal feelings and planning, one brief reference to methods.  Fortunately, I’m not too worried about labels, so I wasn’t upset this week when my psychologist told me that I was psychotic and retarded. I’m half joking. She was most concerned that I understood and was not upset by the words.... Continue Reading →

And…. I’m back in the room

Gosh, it’s nice not being depressed.  It happened in the course of about half an hour the other evening and has been holding strong (barring a few hours this afternoon - a blip, I hope - thank you A~ for listening to me and picking me back up) for 4 days now (everyone touch wood,... Continue Reading →

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