Rejoicing

Since the start of lockdown, I've been thinking a lot about gratitude. It seems to keep cropping up in various ways in my life (obviously, as a good scientist, I attribute this to the Baader Meinhof effect, rather than a sign from the universe). I could, and probably will one day, spend a blog talking... Continue Reading →

Press ups and procrastination

If there was an Olympic category for procrastination, I would..... think about definitely finding out about maybe entering ... and then miss the deadline. I've been putting off writing an update on my blog for so long, I've forgotten why I don't write anymore. And the longer I put it off, the harder it seems... Continue Reading →

Responsibility

Trigger warning:  Discussion of suicide and thoughts about personal choice in this matter. A little while ago, G and I were discussing death and losing people.  I asked her if she was worried about me killing myself.  She said she worried every day about that. She was upset with me.  Upset that I cannot, much... Continue Reading →

C is for cuckoo

My name is C~ and I am a survivor. I don't mean a suicide survivor, or a depression survivor. I'm talking here about the really big one. I (drum roll) survived a family wedding. DBT talks about looking for the positives in even very difficult situations. By the time I collapsed through my friend K~'s... Continue Reading →

Cloud burst

Have I mentioned I suck at endings? It's like the BPD starter kit: Here, have a bunch of unmanageable emotions and a pathological inability to deal with anything finishing - good luck! Today was the big, everyone-gets-issued-their-final-grades-for-the-course-I-help-run meeting at college. And it went fairly well. Not awesome, but it was fine. When it came to... Continue Reading →

#79

Some bucket list items are small and can be knocked off in an afternoon, some are a little bit longer in the making.  So it is for #79 - Run a Marathon. Although, technically, the actual running did just take a few hours (no, I'm not going to say how many). I've got to be... Continue Reading →

Dead Man’s Curve

Trigger warning:  Some discussion of suicidal feelings and planning, one brief reference to methods.  Fortunately, I’m not too worried about labels, so I wasn’t upset this week when my psychologist told me that I was psychotic and retarded. I’m half joking. She was most concerned that I understood and was not upset by the words.... Continue Reading →

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